This year I celebrated Oktoberfest in an unconventional manner – gorging myself on schnitzel whilst gazing at Melbourne’s beautiful barmaids at the Colonial Hotel’s Schnitzel ‘n Tits celebration.
I invited my best lesbian stripper friend to accompany me on what turned out to be a night of titilicious amazement, chaos, and camaraderie.
The hostess escorted us to our seats and before I knew it, I had a sexy brunette sitting in my lap, her perky breasts no more than six inches from my face as she poured a body shot down my throat.
The crowd went wild. Cheers and high fives all around, the bucks party next to us pounding the table so hard, jugs of cider and beer went flying splashing all over my lap, the table, and floor. And that was just the beginning of the night.
The entertainment began with a contortion act – splits, backbends, all of the things that make you cringe in pain just watching.
As the night went on, the clothing lessened and the excitement increased. Dresses came off within the first 30 minutes, then bras off a few minutes later. Several nearly nude ladies crawled down the dinner tables; flirting, twerking, and grinding to the delight of the audience.
My plus one and I befriended several of the bucks groups, drinking, laughing, and soaking in the entertainment.
As a twenty-something female who has never experienced a bikini bar or strip club before, the words ‘ridiculous’ and ‘hilarious’ are an understatement for my night. It was an eye-opening experience and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.
Ladies, there are three things you need to know if you’ve never been to a bikini bar or strip club:
- It’s a great place to meet men. Seriously. They’re not all old sleazebags – lots of bucks parties means decent, hot men.
- Be prepared to get messy (body shots, flying drinks, excited men).
- Don’t dress like a stripper. Think more casual or conservative flirty. Save your plunging neckline cocktail dress for another night – you don’t want to be accidentally mistaken for the night’s talent.
So heed my advice, grab your mates, and head down to Schnitzel ‘n Tits for an unforgettable night!
– Ember
Ember is an American turned Aussie. Her love affair with Melbourne goes back four years, and she still can’t get enough of this city! Discovering new hideouts and hidden gems around Melbourne is her hobby. Marketing Strategist by day, spontaneous adventurer, brekky enthusiast, and aerial acrobat by night.
Schnitzel ‘n Tits Oktoberfest runs every Friday at the Colonial Hotel (234-244 King St, Melbourne). They also run different themed shows each month. To learn more visit www.schnitzelntits.com.
Disclosure: The Plus Ones were invited guests of Schnitzel ‘n’ Tits.
Image credit: Schnitzel ‘n’ Tits.
